By Maxx Bradford-Lester @doublexonair
Lizards, what a life they live.
They scurry through stones,
Gnaw on bug bones
And disguise themselves as media figures in an effort to rule the human race.
Oh, lizards! To common folk their small lives may seem insignificant, but as a reptile representor myself I’d like to shine some light on little lizards’ lives, their struggles, and their strifes.
This week’s first focus is Winston – an Argentinian tegu artist who’s been using his scaly skills to raise more than $1,000 for bushfire-affected communities. Winston’s owner and partner Sarah Curry is a graphic designer and tells a riveting rags-to-riches tail.
Winston wasn’t born an artist. He was an underweight and troublesome hoodlum of a lizard who would snatch paper towels and cause mischief where he saw fit. But like all great straight-to-TV movies Winston turned his misguided fury and passion into art and now spends his time scurrying across blank paper with painted toes. His work (which sells for $15-30 a piece) has been likened to renowned modern expressionist, Jackson Pollock. Which, let’s face it, may be a step too far. Can you imagine having your life’s work compared with the mindless splatterings of a creature like Jackson Pollock? Being a painter is a skill in itself Jackson, but painting a canvas like an underpaid teenager paints condiments on a Maccas bun doesn’t make you an artist. I mean Winston doesn’t have hands …
What’s your excuse?
I digress, and continue to this week’s second story. From lizard heroes to heroes of lizards. Brett Carberry is my new high vis hero. A week ago, the man walks into his local Corindi beach pub, sits with his mates before getting up to order a thirst-quenching VB, as any true-blue man should. Upon reaching his table Mr. Carberry discovered a small skink had fallen from the roof, into his schooner and had drowned. At least that’s the official story; I reckon the lizard was just dying (a little literally) for a taste.
Mr. Carberry hastily retrieved the lizard from his drink and gave it CPR. administrating single finger pumps and appropriate life kisses. The lizard lived and spent the rest of the evening reclining on Mr. Carberry’s shoulder, a true testament to the power of VB, a beer bringing aussies together for years and yarns to come.
Despite doing more than enough to earn his “hard earned thirst” the (fortunately) unnamed pub refused to give Brett and his lizard a replacement beer, so like a stoic ‘strayan legend Brett Carberry downed his drink anyway.
So wherever you are reading this, in class or in skink-filled grass, raise a glass to these two and make sure to catch the next news update, of the news stories you won’t believe.
Hear more on TAFE Radio with CJ and The DJ, 3pm Wednesdays. Streaming link here.
Featured image: SacroHelgo / CC BY-SA
